What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 05:58
Comes on , in middle age.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
What is the problem between Turkey and Greece?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So, i spoilt her more .
How did you know you weren't the narc?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Why do some films seem to date/age so badly?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
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I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
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You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
What are the best Jewish jokes?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
How rough can the ferry passage from Hull to Rotterdam be in the autumn ( at the end of October )?
My life is so biszare .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What is the most offensive thing someone has ever asked you?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why is my ex trying to provoke an argument with me?
She loved him until the end.
I waited trembling.
I will be 64.
What causes you to be tired all the time and major headaches?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Can an astrologer predict that someone is in a physical relationship before marriage?
I write beautiful poetry .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Put me off passion for life!!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So whats the point in blame.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
What did i know ?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Ive learnt so much.
He knew the spot.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was 9 years of age.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I think the readers, may guess!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One cannot live in the past .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I couldn’t, believe it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Was to survive, this bastard.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I said to her
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I never cut or harmed myself..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But ive been too sick for many years..
My family never makes their pension either.
And i lived it daily.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was scared of men, in general
But, we were locked up after school.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
All the time i was locked up.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Who then, do I blame.?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She wouldn,t have been !
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I have no regrets .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But it wasn’t much.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
(And it was in our own minds.)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Would this be the day?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
When she asked me how she looked .
We were not on the streets..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She found it foreign!.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She married twice! .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She was in good health!
We all went to grammer schools
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I could never make a relationship work though!
It was going to be , some day.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was very sick at this time too.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I don,t even have a pension.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im still living with it.
This is soul school!.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .